Is death this unfair

It has been the most traumatic time for so many countrymen, countrywomen and countrychildren (if it makes sense).

In the last many days, we have lost so many of our people and we still haven't come to a solution. People are being killed any direction you look. It has gotten out of hand and I wish and pray that they stop. I don't know what can be done to stop it anyway. I don't have an answer to questions any more.

I called a very good friend of mine this morning and for the first time is so many months, there was no long wait at the other end. But the news was baffling. It was so short and to the point for a moment I thought I'd heard wrong. I was left speechless until the guy at the other end of the line jolted me back to my senses. You see, when you talk to someone literally every other day or once a week, it becomes routine to check on each other to find out how life's been, how the families are doing, jobwise - what's cutting, when you are meeting for drinks, just about everything. Then make fun about just about everything in life.

It suddenly hits you. The things we all take forgranted, the unsaid words, the anger when you don't get what you want, the silence when you feel you don't want to talk to the other party, the secrecy when you don't feel like saying some things, the privacy when you feel your space is getting too crowded, its all meaningless. So I got to realize this fine morning.

As I was saying, when I called my buddy, I was transfered to his department (happens to write the business column in the Standard newspapers). The guy told me, 'we lost him yesterday on Mombasa Road.' Just that, plain and simple. No he asked where I was calling from and I said from Nairobi. Then the bomb was dropped. Ok, I thought I heard wrong but hell no. I was silent for quite a while till the voice on the other side decided I was too quiet. Well, I refused to believe it. He was quite clear though, 'do u mean so and so?'. I was like, 'yes, that's the one'. 'Then we are talking of the same person, he died in a road accident on Mombasa Road yesterday morning.' I was lost for words, took down his name and promised to give him a call back.

I told my colleague what had just happened and she told me she'd read in the Standard that they'd lost one of their own. I went to look for the paper and there it was, in black and white. I couldn't believe it. I was shaking, read and re-read, but it was all there, he was gone. Then it hit me, all I knew were the buddies we were with in school (we went to Primary school together), then met by chance last year. I didn't know any of his brothers or sisters as when we were in school he used to commute every single day from Athi River to a primary school in Eastlands. He was known as the boy from Athi River. The pain I feel now is not anything I can explain. To lose a dear friend is so sad, too painful.

He had called me Saturday evening at 5.30pm, of course drinking somewhere in Ololo (kaloleni) with his buddies. He was to call me back to tell me where he was but didn't. As I knew him I guess well, I decided to let him nurse his hangover, I didn't know he'd be nursing it forever! Its really sad, I still have to get details from his buddy that he was with who is till at the hospital. I don't know if I should call him or wait. But I still need answers.

I remember the last time we were together was some time in Dec. Just before I left for shags. As always he was a happy person. He only switched off when he was depressed. I knew when to keep my distance and he always came to and discussed anything that had been the bother, but at times I guess he just found it hard to talk about and I didn't push him.

All I can say is that life's a witch spelt with a capital 'B'.

RIP - ALARI ALARE