of men, women and clandes

Just the other day, I met this chick I went to primary school with. She was one of these girls I wondered what would happen to her when she grew up. She was quite timid, liked crying at the slightest of anything she didn’t like and was just a mess. She did have the brains though, that I can’t deny. We parted ways when we went to different high schools and they moved estates. So following up on her was impossible.

Towards the end of last month, I happened to meet her together with another guy we went to school with. We had a few drinks (truth be told I was on Sprite coz there was no ginger ale), and that’s when I can say all hell broke loose. To say I was left dumbfounded would be an understatement. After all was said and done I was left wondering where I had been all this time.

I wonder why a little alcohol in the blood changes people quite a bit. That’s when women/men end up bedding people they just met, without a care in world, and not caring if they are married or not. They throw caution to the wind. I don’t think I have ever gotten to that state where I lose my mind and do something I would live to regret or even wake up the next morning wondering what I did and why I did it. I believe in self respect, any day, any time. I just don’t understand why people do the things that they do, married, in so called relationships or single. Growing up a Catholic for that matter, I knew what was right and what was wrong. The Ten Commandments clearly states that. I wonder why these are the same people who go against their religious teachings, then come and claim that they are Christians. I so do loath such human beings.

Well, back to my story. After a few drinks, it was confession time. And after the night was over, I believe I was the saint of all saints, please call me Mother Teresa for ever. This chick went overboard. Apparently she used to be married to some dude, must have been a ‘come we try’ marriage. Having to live with the said dude for 3 bloody years, the dude comes in one morning from one of his outings with another clande in tow, orders her out of the house at that ungodly hour, she doesn’t live in Nairobi mark you, and it is one of the coldest towns in Kenya. Where do you go at such an hour? It is 2 am, its freezing, and your replacement has come too. I don’t understand what goes through such a chick’s mind. Anyway, they say what goes around comes around. Here you have a man who has come home with you to throw out his live-in girlfriend and you go ahead and thump your chest feeling on top of the world.

Anyway, I felt it for this girl. She spent the night out in the cold, waited for morning, packed up and left for her mum’s. Of course our mothers will never fail to accept us back. She mourned for ages. Those were her words, she just could not understand why the man she had given her all did this to her. If she could turn back the hands of time……….. what had happened had happened. She could either live to regret or move on and be happy at least she was safe.

Well, one day after crying for hours, she thought to herself, ‘why I’m I crying for a man who has moved on with his life?’ She claims that she felt pretty stupid but I do not blame her. We as women love with every part of our bodies, unlike men. A man will take you to bed just to satisfy his urge and then that’s it, it does not matter what he tells you. If its for sex, that’s it, its sex. He will of course try to justify his reasons for doing what he did which most of the time does not make sense. He will claim he does not enjoy having sex with you but give him that woman he’s been ogling, he will not care. He will enjoy the sex.

The story got quite interesting. We actually sat at one place until 3am just talking about relationships. There were some Tanzanians who had come with one of our friends who I think could not believe what was coming out of some peoples mouths! I too was left in shock.

The talk got heated when an argument started about CFAs. Apparently this guy married the said woman and has a kid with her. Good for her, at least she got to be recognized as the wife.

There was talk of keeping a man/woman happy in a relationship and there were all these crazy ideas from sex to respect. What was discussed was quite true. We are not angels and we do make mistakes. What happens when the man you think you are dating has sexual affairs with other women? And you have the proof even if he denies it. Is that cheating or this only counts when you are married? When you are in a relationship, are you wholly the man’s/woman’s or you are also allowed some spice on the side? And the man/woman he/she is cheating with. What makes them stoop so low as to have sex with someone who is not even theirs, I fail to understand. I just don’t understand.

You must be wondering where I’m going to with all this. This chick talked about being in a relationship with a man she feels nothing for. He is there to be called when she needs sex and sex alone, no feeling attached. She calls him up and he shows up whenever he can. Most of the time he does. So how comes they are not in a relationship? She does not want to be in a relationship with him, and I wondered out loud why. She did explain to me in detail. Since being hurt by the man she thought loved her, she decided to go all out and do the same to another man. Have no feelings whatsoever towards men. Be they single or married, she stopped caring.

She claimed that as long as the sex is good and both enjoy, that’s all there is to it. I tend to differ. I don’t believe you can just have a relationship based on sex only. Another instance is when apparently one of her friends got a text from her so called partner to another woman talking of not being sexually active because the woman was working somewhere outside the country. So what? Does it mean that if you get posted outside the country you will definitely go back on the promise to be faithful to one another? That means there can never be trust in the relationship because if when dating and just because you don’t live together you can afford to cheat on your partner and deny it even with such damning evidence, what’s the use? I know we’re all afraid of losing the person we have feelings for and its not because we cannot do what they too are doing. It’s all a matter of self respect.

I wanted to get to the bottom of this chick’s decision, and her revelation was even more startling. The man she was in a CFA relationship with is actually the ex-boyfriend who threw her out of his house and replaced her with another woman that he is currently married to. She claims the man does not love the wife which is true but what gives her the authority to mess someone else’s marriage. I do not agree with what she is doing. The man is now married. She is single, fine. Does that make what she is doing right? No, it doesn’t. I told her the same but I think she is still bitter and is punishing the other woman, but for whose mistakes? The husband for making the wrong choice? I just did not get it, truth be told.

A CFA is a Convenient Fucking Arrangement, so I came to learn. It is amazing how many people are in such relationships, as much as we tend to deny that they exist. From the man in our lives to ourselves. I wonder what the world is coming to.

I am meeting the said girl alone this weekend and I just have to find out what goes on in her mind coz I still need to understand. Enough people are in these relationships and it is not funny. Losing sleep because you just do not know what to do, but the other party is out having all the fun. Is it truly worth it? All I can say is that love or trust is not such a good thing. Especially if the other person doesn't give a damn about you. It is worse where kids are concerned.